Every Morning Over Coffee..

Every morning over coffee… if you are not at an office, you are at the gym or with a friend for coffee… or at home and looking forward to that beautiful cup of coffee to get you through the day. People tend to make coffee a ritual, a meeting place to discuss business, pleasure or problems. For some like me, you will be left to have coffee and think.. alone.. and how your mind does wonder. 

I moved away from my home town, almost 1500km away from where I was born. Away from my family and friends where coffee was our 10am catch up time to sit and chat and enjoy a break away from our normal routine and environment.  Most of us nowadays tend to go out for coffee with a friend or family member, I always used to go out with my Mom for coffee and every day we would make it a special outing and compare our favourite places such as who served the best coffee, presentation and atmosphere of the place we were visiting and enjoyed just chatting about anything and everything.

Now that I live so far away from my Mom and my best friends, alone in a new environment I have decided to just share my mind now that I don’t have anyone to chat to. Everyone wants to know what you are thinking in any case right? Curiosity about someone else’s life and what they have been going through .. right?. Believe me, my journey is riveting… to say the least and I am just so tired of being alone. 

This morning I found myself seated at a new coffee shop just down the road from where I live called “Bread & Butter”. It really is quaint and although busy has a calm hustle and bustle about it.  There is a large table with beautiful stands showcasing the daily treats you may or may not be able to resist. I love it’s old school charm serving a large variety of treats such as gourmet sandwiches, wheat free chocolate torte and red velvet cheesecake encased in meringue…  and their coffee is outstanding and beautifully presented. 

My road has been long. I have been living here in Cape Town since December 2012. Having had our business liquidated and after losing everything and having a baby in one year then leaving everyone behind to start fresh in a new City in a new Province with no support has been tough. I have 2 gorgeous older kids too, my son has just turned 13 and my daughter is 10.. my baby is 10 months.  The stress one goes through either moving or liquidating is a daunting nightmare in itself. Throw in a baby, being left with 1 car and no medical aid, no pension, no savings and no home into the mix.. you are left with a rather explosive cocktail almost impossible to swallow. 

In the beginning when I first got here not having seen where I would be living or not even having my kids enrolled into a school yet and in Johannesburg they were in private schools was shocking. I was so dismayed. I had no idea how I was going to cope. I also had no idea how I was going to get around. 

Luckily we moved to an area that had shops and schools within walking distance. I could walk?  That was new to me of course as Johannesburg everything is so far apart and you are lost without a car.  Pleasantly surprised I could make do without the car – most of the time. Could I see this situation coming? Did I have any idea that I would ever end up like this? Absolutely not! Whatever the circumstances though, this is my new life.  Sadly what makes it worse is being alone. I used to have a full time housekeeper since I was married – for 13 years. Now I had no one to help and a baby to take care of.  I needed to think of something I could do just to keep sane. Walking along the beach was the most obvious choice and I did find it the most calming and through tears could somehow just find a little solace imagining the waves washing away my anguished pain.. even if it were only for a little while. 

My husband got a job quickly but it was not fantastic as he had to travel leaving me even more alone than ever. One can never actually imagine the emptiness of such chaos!

I decided the only way I could get through life was to live each day at a time. Wondering, thinking and panicking just consumed my mind daily for weeks and weeks and I had to stop it. When you are used to going to the shop and buying whatever you needed and were now limited to do it daily to fit into your pram was quite different on a budget. I had never had to follow a budget before. Here I am looking at hundreds of items and not knowing which ones I should pick and what I would need tomorrow or what I should get today because I just could not think logically. Eventually I decided to write a list.. yes I should have done that ages ago – I have never been a “follow the list” kinda person. There was a lot I was about to learn.