Coffee @ On the Rocks.. Blouberg Strand Cape Town

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The wonderful thing about walking along the seafront in Blouberg Strand is that there is always some form of activity, people walking, cycling, walking their dogs, running after their kids… from the main road you can take a lengthy walk passing the little coffee shops scattered around the beach front amongst guest houses, Restaurants and art shops. There is something for everyone and that is what I love about it, like a quaint little village. Kiara has grown used to these walks and looks forward to them. In the beginning she used to sleep a lot, now she sings along pointing at the ocean repeating “sea, sea”…. She’s just so cute. It just makes my heart break that her Nana, Papa, Granny, uncles & aunts can’t see her growing up. 

On the Rocks is literally on the beach with the most breath taking views of the Atlantic Ocean in every direction. I love sitting watching the birds and the occasional dolphin from here, you don’t get closer to paradise than this really.  The sunsets over Robben Island are world renowned and On the Rocks is one of the most exquisite and internationally acclaimed restaurants in Cape Town. Your perfect wedding could take place right here, how perfect.. ... 

I order my Cappuccino while Kiara sits contently on her blanket on the ground playing with her Lamaze Doll she loves and demanded from the shops. 

I had the most wonderful pregnancies and truly enjoyed being pregnant each time. I miss it terribly in fact. I could be pregnant permanently as that is when I am the happiest. Even though my world was falling apart when I was pregnant with Kiara, she helped me keep it together. I wrote each of my kids a diary while pregnant keeping it updated with everything. When things started to go very wrong I just prayed so hard that someone would help me and look after me. I believe Kiara was sent like an angel to do that because without her I would not be here…She was the answer to my prayers.

A few weeks before she was due I moved into my parents home which was such a special time as the kids and I got to see them every day and spend time with them living a normal family life. I often just wish it was still that way. The world without your family is just not right. I love them all too much. My sister, beautiful, talented and filled with light lives in Durban. I was lucky enough to visit her 3-4 times a year. Now almost a year has passed that I have not seen her. I miss her and the boys so much. It frustrates me that life has stopped for me, as if I live in a little bubble… But it cannot go on forever right? 

Before you ever go into business you should be told certain things. All I know is that everything I have learned will be drilled into the heads of my kids and I would ensure that they always find out everything there is to know before they start on something, no matter what it may be. One is never told about what could go wrong, what implications there are if you sign certain things… you just do what you think is right, but without knowledge of the legalities and implications you are walking into darkness and you could get very very lost. Having started this business purely for my husband I set out to do what most people do when they start a business. Get loans, open accounts, hire staff, grow… but I also signed surety and never thought that we would have clients who would not pay us. I actually did not run the business at all and did not make management decisions. All I can think is that if I knew the severity of signing surety I do not recommend it and honestly think it should not ever be an option. But I did and I lost it all. Houses, cars, pension, investments and everything else including my mind. 

Anyway, the liquidation process is absolutely the worst of situations I have ever found myself in. You are treated like a criminal, placed in hearings surrounded by lawyers and a commissioner of oaths, being recorded in a room and judged and ridiculed. They will imply that you may have hid money and they will try and force you to get money from your family. They are heartless and will do whatever it takes to try and break you. I will never allow my kids to ever be placed in a situation like this as the damage it does to you is irreparable. After almost 2 years it still is not over. I unfortunately did not really look into the meaning of what it meant to be a Director of a company. I never did any research or ever took it very seriously that I am actually liable for so much. My functions were never serious but now all the questions are directed at me and I have no answers for them. Try explaining that to a panel of people who don’t care. The truth of the matter is I was ignorant to the fact that being a director carries weight. Do yourself a favour and be aware of the legal implications always.

I have been lucky in the sense that I have such amazing family who help me from the other side of the Country. The only thing I found difficult in the situation I was placed in is that I am not able to chat on the phone. Firstly the phone would ring and I could not answer it so I decided to switch it off. I just could not cope with answering phones, mail, opening post etc and I am sure that was part of my nervous breakdown.  Chatting to my family and friends on the phone also left me feeling really sad and I would just get very depressed so I avoided chatting and I am sure it made me look rude, but truthfully I just could not get words out without the tears. Months later, I find it easier to chat and now I do enjoy it. I thank all my family and friends for their patience and understanding during this time as I know they have no idea what I am going through and may wonder what is wrong with me. 

I take a breath, looking down at what God gave me playing peacefully and unaware of the turmoil surrounding her, how she came out so happy and at peace just leaves me speechless. She looks up at me with her big eyes and smiles and that just melts my heart. If I have to go through all of this again to have her, I would without a doubt, her soul is just pure and the love she gives me is without a doubt humbling. What a little angel.