Walking
along the magnificent Cape coast line you cannot help but stare in awe at an
incredible landscape with the majestic view of Table Mountain, the white sandy
beaches and clear Atlantic Ocean with bubbly waves crashing against rocks and
when you’re lucky catch a glimpse of a dolphin or a seal playing in the surf.
The air is fresh and crisp, a little chilly this time of year as winter nears
its end and spring is welcomed. I like to walk along the coast with my little
sidekick who has helped me through the rough times and kept my feet on the
ground following my new path where I don’t know will take me. I can only smile
at the prospect of it having to be better than the situation I currently find
myself in.
Petis
Four is a quirky little cottage right on the seafront. While tourists vie for
seats in the small outside area, the locals, with whom the venue is very popular,
prefer the sheltered and cosier indoors. I pass this gorgeous little French Patisserie
every time Kiara and I go on our walk and I so look forward to popping in for
my daily dose of caffeine as I am almost transported into Europe with the
tantalising aromas of freshly baked croissants, pies, tarts and cakes all
dramatically showcased making it so painstakingly difficult to choose what not
to have because it would be preferable to have one of everything..
I
placed my order for my Cappuccino and glanced out the window – being near to
the sea on a daily basis is just as therapeutic as my Cappuccino.
In
December when I first got here I walked into a chaotic dwelling.. My husband
had been staying alone for 2 months while the kids and I stayed with my folks.
It was so hot, the sun was beating down with fury and I remember walking into
someone else’s life.. like a stranger trying to recognise my things in a home of
someone I did not know.. Where was I and where was I going to start? I decided
to take the kids to the shop and get some basics. I honestly felt like I was
camping except my idea of camping and this reality was a little shocking to say
the least. Cleaning and unpacking. I was going to be here for a while still…
but I was adamant that I get as much done as quickly as possible. Luckily we
had been spending a lot of time in Cape Town before all the chaos and we knew
our way around well and the kids were settled. I was just wondering where they
were going to go to school.. uniforms, stationary, etc… “what if I could not
walk there?”, “where would they go if I could not get them in nearby?”, so many
questions.. and no answers.
The
summertime is really hot and the days are long starting at 6am sun going down
at 9pm so I just got lost in those hours of day light and before I knew it
everything was done. I found a clinic in Melkbos which is about a 10 minute
drive where I could take the kids as Kiara had to still have injections
regularly. What a pleasant surprise as I have never in my life been without a
medical aid. In Johannesburg I went to a clinic and was just so shocked at the
que being down the street never mind out the door. The Clinic was clean, well
run, quiet and the staff were really friendly and helpful. Best of all this was
all free.. something I really have to get my head around as I remember always
sending bills to the Medical Aid of thousands for menial things. Now I walked
in and they gave me what I needed for nothing and welcomed me back should I
have any issues, even giving me a contact number for after hours and to
remember I should phone in next time as to avoid the que if I bring my baby for
her check-ups.. I was so impressed.
I
must admit though, I would not have coped so well had it not been for my kids
keeping me going. I dreaded if something happened to them and kept yelling at
them to be careful walking down the stairs, or swimming in case they had to go
to hospital… they thought I had lost my mind. Well they were not wrong.
The
stress of having had Kiara and not knowing what was going to happen in the near
future with all the new surroundings, and plans to fit in and get structure
with no family around was the hardest pain I have felt. It was not just an
empty feeling that I missed them it was a physical pain and agony that at times
I felt so impossible to overcome. I would just burst into tears thinking of
them. Or when I washed up I would just have these hot tears running down my
face. I just did not know what to do about them, and I never wanted the kids to
know I was feeling this way. The worst was when I went to the shops and just
did not know what to get.. I would walk up and down with the tears running
trying to concentrate but just felt like running out. Breathe.. calm down.. I
had to keep telling myself to stop and pull it together. Luckily this way I
saved on make up as I decided it pointless to wear any because I was bursting
into tears 3 times a day. I also learned that the best time to cry was in the
shower as I could just let the stream of those tears go for a while. Was it
really possible to feel this alone.. this destitute? But I had to smile and be
myself to everyone else, cook dinner and do normal things when I felt so far
from normal at all…
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